Category: Ramp

Unwinnable

4/3/2024

Have you ever cast your 3 mana commander for 19 just so you could attack with your boat (Skysovereign, Consul Flagship)? Were your efforts then invalidated by a momentary blink on the Thragtusk you attempted to hit and run with said boat? Did you then also forget to draw a card with your commander’s trigger? I really hope not because that sounds devastating for anyone, but for me that was exhilarating.

For a normal deck tech I would describe how to play the deck and go through key interactions. This deck on the other hand has infinity game play potential because you aren’t playing your own deck. The basic mechanics of the deck are to ramp, draw cards, and slow the game down till you can steal their cards. That’s it. Good luck! Have fun! Here’s the deck list. It’s like a hundred dollars, so go ham. Go on, I believe in you. Maybe you’ll have better luck than me.

It's free, take it!

OG MAgic Villian

Do you like eldrazi? Good, because I love when my friends play the largest, most broken spells in the game. Every card in my hand is a random card from your deck so the larger the better. Of note these are still their cards so keeping them alive is paramount if you want to keep them. They should feel grateful that you’ve made such a commitment though. They’ve been invited to an exclusive team, nevermind that team consists of the og magic villain. Sharing is caring after all. If for some reason this teamwork doesn’t sit well with you, you can easily use me as a scapegoat for annihilating your opponents for you with your cards. You’re welcome!

The spell you "borrow" from your bestest friend in the whole freaking world

You after simply "borrowing" your best friend's cards like they totally weren't going to cast them next turn. I mean it was on the top of their library so why does it matter that I cast it?

If you ever feel like you have a tough choice to make, just remember greatness at any cost. Low on cards to discard? Cast Sink into Takenuma, pick up all of your swamps, tell your least favorite opponent to discard 15 cards (a totally reasonable number), and then discard said swamps and “borrow” 15 cards from your favorite. Better yet just pay 20 life with Greed or Arguel’s Blood Fast to draw 10 cards. It's worth it, trust me. Up to 10 free spells is probably worth 20 life, just don’t target the landfall deck. Hey, if you miss somehow maybe the table will feel bad for you and ignore you while you stew at a cool 2 life for the next couple of turns. If you really need to deflect some damage, casually remind the table that Gix’s triggered ability is symmetrical as long as they leave you alone.

trust me, you didn't need these swamps anyways

Lastly, always believe in the heart of the cards. Do you need a counterspell? Spending 7 mana and ditching 2 cards to target the blue player probably has like a 20% chance of hitting a counterspell and like those are odds. Do you need a board wipe? Just cycle your mana rocks like Mind Stone or Hedron Archive. You either draw a board wipe or another mana rock so what do you have to lose? Remember your commander is 3 mana and can draw you cards so sending him to the field early can really add up. If they kill him, your combo mana went from 10 to 12 like whatever you probably drew like 3 cards. Maybe you even got some brownie points from the player who really needed one more card and you’re gonna need a favor for later. Trust me ;)

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The goose deck

10/7/2023

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For the sake of continuity's sake, by all means this deck was inevitable given *Gestures broadly around the website you're currently browsing*. You get the point right? Good!

honkin' goose list

…you’re still here? Were the goose pictures not enough? Fine, but I’m warning you. There is some poor reasoning, mostly irrelevant anecdotes, and let’s call them choices waiting for you just beyond this sloppy intro. In a cascading chorus most of my friends have asked me at some point, “Beach, you’re gonna build this deck, right?” and with varying degrees of enthusiasm I responded, “Probably,” every time. I’m sure they all had a mental image of me shrugging and then walking off or at least I hope. Though some just assumed correctly and continued on living in the never end nightmare that is spoiler season. Now on paper this commander seemed like it would be right up my alley, but it's been 10 years and I’ve explored and decorated every inch of this Thursday trash pickup of an alleyway. I have a ramp deck, a voltron equipment deck, an artifact deck, and a token deck already. To its credit though The Goose Mother has the potential to include all 4 strategies. Did I end up including them all? kinda…

Ramp to Goose

There’s a good reason for Green's strong position in the overall format of commander. No one wants to run land destruction because, wait, let me pull up a quote, ahem, “Land destruction is not fun.” To those who can’t stomach magic in its full cringy glory, I say, “Thanks, bro, ” because to the heavens I am absolved of all sin. When I have 30 mana to your puny 8 you’ll only have yourself to blame, for I am simply growing my forests upon your ignorance! You may assume I am merely supplementing the mana rocks that other colors have to run but I say, “nah.” I bask under the canopy of an ever expanding wilds. 37% of this deck produces additional mana in some way or form, meaning with lands 72% of this deck revolves around mana generation. For the love of Goose I shall cast my commander.

Not all ramp cards are created equal. 21 of the 37 ramp cards have no additional benefits while the other 16 add to the deck’s effect pool. Legendary effects like haste from Runadi, fighting from Gargos, regrowth from Shigeki, and uhm… Urza, Lord High Artificer. Of course there are ramp cards that also draw cards because Simic would be nothing without its oatmeal mechanics, but we all know they single handedly keep our decks going. Cards like Kiora, and the other Kiora, and Urza, Lord High Artificer do their best to keep a deck of 21 do-nothing cards from top decking like a draft deck. Of course there is one ramp card above all else. The one that’s most in service of Honk, Urza, Lord High Artificer.

The Notorious Three

Evasion, draw, and protection, the three effects in every deck built with an ounce of compassion for their own commander. Of course goose fashion is an obvious inclusion for any Goose Mother deck complete with boots, cloaks, grieves, rings, and warhammers. Protective companions like Spearbreaker Behemoth and Archetype of Endurance can support the goose against even your opponent’s most mid plays. There are six generic draw spells that could be anything because let’s be honest most draw spells are interchangeable without notice. One draw spell stands above the rest though, Clan Crafter supports my deck in its darkest times. If you need cards the crafter transforms into a draw engine that can also allow a goose to double its power over time. Additionally crafter is my deck’s only haphazard answer to a Darksteel Mutation in a color combination that should really put up more of a fight against the basic concept of auras.

If You Ain’t First

The last ten non land cards in the deck sit in two states simultaneously while in your deck: the winning and also win more cards. Six of these cards simply increase the damage of the goose so the more you have the less useful the next one becomes, with a low floor of 21 damage, but play without those ten cards and you’ll fail to reach it. For good reason these cards are printed with targets on their backs. When was the last time someone had to argue against the destruction of their doubling season? Believe them when they say it's a do nothing enchantment because you will make it so when you rightfully destroy it.

Three cards pull from your pool of tokens to assemble a second front of damage with Esix creating the oddest win conditions. Finally there's the ace (wink) up my sleeve with Simic Ascendancy. A card capable of getting us out of the stickiest situations. Can’t attack because of an archon? Just win the game. Has your goose been imprisoned in the freaking moon? Have you thought of just winning the game instead? Sick of the never ending wraths your opponents beg you to endure? Win the game.

Of Notes and Controversy

When building this deck I wanted to pull most of the cards from my collection to keep this deck more casual but there were a few cards that seemed too bombastic and or flavorful to not be included. A few cards allow food tokens to add mana which can lock in the inevitably of The Goose Mother such as Jaheira, Urza, Lord High Artificer, and Night of the Sweets' Revenge. There are a few cards that might be overpowered for the original aim of the deck. Primal Vigor is probably the least offensive as it applies its effects symmetrically. While this may seem like a kind gesture on the surface, those who can actually generate a threat to The Goose Mother will die to the honking first accelerated with Primal Vigor’s effect. Lastly there are two cards that are maybe just too egregious but for the reasons mentioned above had to be included: Doubling Season, and Urza, Lord High Artificer. I’m sorry but I am weak to the temptations of broken cards™ and please pray that I do not fall further into the pits of competitive play. For each promise of an easy win, I will be the only player basking in enjoyment.

Even with my follies, this deck does contain the 4 main themes of the goose deck, but to do this a choice was made. No counter spells shuffle through the deck because absolutely no card without any dedication to The Goose Mother made the cut. This level of delusion led to the complete absence of the card type instant. This abandonment of interaction simply affirms my dedication, for all must serve in the presence of The Goose Mother.

To those who have no instant I say
Fear not for I as well have no instant,
but to those that try to bargain
I have no say
for The Goose Mother must always
honk.

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Unwinnable

OG MAgic Villian

The goose deck

Ramp to Goose

The Notorious Three

If You Ain’t First

Of Notes and Controversy

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